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Encountered socrates? Offended? Angry? Perplexed? Horrified?

You are not alone.

To save you some time and energy, here’s a sort of unofficial faq.

Q: Who is socrates?

A: According to his own admissions, he is an unemployed, caucasian, trust fund baby (1, 2).

Q: What names has socrates used?

A: No one except soc will ever know all of the IDs he’s created across the world wide web, but he seems to have poasted as socratictruths, socrates, prepostericity, Jeff Reynolds, may41970, KendrickGarrett, NoMoreKosHate, LetTheSunShine, nwoisevil, Guy Cabellero, ForJuliaScyphers, worthless poster, Broccolli, Happy Gilmore…   (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, )

Q: Is it possible to reason with socrates?

A: No. Many have tried, but none have succeeded in reasoning wth socrates.  socrates’ internal reality is much stronger than any external facts (1).

Q: socrates said terrible things about me/someone I know/my group and I’m very upset! What should I do?

A: You must immediately, and this is extremely important, stop reading anything socrates writes. Above all, you must not respond to any of his comments. His memory is spotty and he’ll forget about you sooner if you don’t communicate with him. To socrates, you will always be just another paid disinfo agent or useful idiot, like the rest of us. He does not think the people he encounters online are real people, just made-up characters, and treats them accordingly (1).

If you’re reading this trying to understand the confusion that ensues in socrates’ wake, then you’re probably quite a nice person, indeed. You/the person you know/your group probably did not do anything to warrant socrates’ attacks. It’s sort of like being hit by a drunk driver. You happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and socrates got an idea in his head about you.

Q: But he’s wrong and telling everyone else on the web terrible lies! Don’t I need to let everyone know?

A: No. That doesn’t feel very good, I know. You have my condolences.  You don’t need to tell anyone anything. A lot of people are aware of socrates’ behavior and don’t trust anything he claims. Arguing with him or pointing out the flaws in his claims or logic is pointless and simply keeps you fresh in his mind. If you’re feeling generous, you can post a link to this page and give the unsuspecting a heads-up about him.

Q: Are you sure I can’t reason with socrates?

A: Absolutely.

Q: But socrates published my real life name and information/slandered me.

A: That sucks. If it involved some sort of threat, contact law enforcement immediately. For less serious matters, you can contact the sites where the info was published and ask them to remove it. If it was on a site maintained by socrates, complain to the hosting company. Google will remove private info on request. You may also be able to sue for slander and get info about who socrates really is. There are people already trying to do this who may be willing and able to help you (1, 2, 3).

Feel free to leave a comment detailing your experience. It might make you feel better to get it off your chest and may help future targets avoid a similar experience.